Firewood Stacked Haphazardly and Empty Souls

Firewood stacked is a Security.

Firewood stacked haphazardly is a Chaotic choice.

Am I prepared for winter?

Am I semi prepared?

Wouldn’t it be better to take the time and stack my firewood correctly, get my house in order?

This feels like a spiritual metaphor to me. But then again, most things do these days.

Not to get too Meta, but sometimes when I’m mentally healthy I put away good things for winter of the soul. Great Art, classical literature, Scripture, lovely music.

I put away soul – filling things that I can tap into later.

But sometimes it’s haphazard.

Sometimes I listen to Harry Potter Instrumentals and it fills me more than Bach.

And that ok.

Haphazard isn’t wrong. And haphazard is better than nothing.

Firewood stacked imperfectly is better than no firewood at all.

Because it’s my life and I get to decide.

The point here is to Notice.

What is filling my soul these days?

There are plenty of things making withdrawals.

If I’m not actively choosing to input good, I will end up with an emotionally overdrawn life.

I learn, forget and then remember again… to regularly put in Good Art, so that I can draw back on it in times of spiritual and emotional drought.

Good Coffee. A Renoir Painting that I take the time to really look at. Full Moons. Long hikes. Whispers in the dark. Lighting a candle.

Soul filling things.

I’ve said for weeks that I’m running on fumes, but life keeps pressing forward, so I do as well. Straining, looking ahead to that mythical time when all will be Calm, and all will be Well.

Is it on the horizon ?

I’m almost at the fully saturated point for bad news. In that, it almost doesn’t surprise or faze me anymore. Because so much of the news is bad. all the time. Relentless.

I feel numb.

Almost.

Life being urgent, needs always pressing, doesn’t excuse me from filling up. It isn’t an act of faith to keep pulling myself up by my boot straps , if I ultimately crumble. t

There are no prizes being awarded for self sufficiency.

No-one will come and ask to inspect my emotional firewood.

By relentlessly pursuing some form of productivity , the only soul that ultimately suffers is myself.

No one else notices if I don’t light a candle or play good music. They don’t notice until I’m unavailable to meet their needs . And that’s ok. I need to cultivate a life that brings me joy, that fills me , for me.

That’s not to say I don’t make sure my family had a lovey home atmosphere. That doesn’t mean I stop serving.

It just means that I now see pausing to reflect as an act of faith.

Instead of being drained and continuously moving forward, now I see that taking the time to get away, to input Good Things, is essentially saying that I have faith in the One who is over all.

Rest means I acknowledge that He has things in control, and me hustling without ever stopping is not going to affect the outcome.

I can tell myself that I keep pushing forward in service to others. But I’ve seen myself when I’m running on emotional fumes. I’m not serving them so much as gritting my teeth and making a point .

So today, I invite you to join me in Imperfection,

I invite you to put in Good Things, wherever you can.

Light the candle, take a deep breath, and hold on to that tiny act of faith.

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